Thanksgiving in August

I have thought a lot about my blog this summer. Yup, I thought of things I could be writing or pictures I could be posting. I gave it a lot of thought... Clearly, that is as far as I got. But Dan is now on vacation, so I have just a little time to sit down and post some thoughts and pictures on my much neglected page.

I have been thinking a lot about contentment lately - thinking about how one can be content in their circumstances but not fall into complacency. I never want to lose my drive to continue growing as a wife, mother, professional, etc... but I also don't want to feel like I am constantly striving for more - striving to have more, do better - at the expensive of ignoring the blessings right in front of me. I don't want to be greedy but I also want the best for my family and, let's face it, for myself. Is that being discontented? These are some things I have been mulling over these past several months.

I have decided that contentment is directly related to thanksgiving. No, not the holiday in November; rather, the conscious and continuous recognition of my blessings. I forget to be thankful. I forget that so much of what I have is not a necessity and I start living in an attitude of entitlement...that I some how "deserve" or "should have" certain things. I deserve nothing. I am given everything. God has so much love for us that he showers us with blessings -- so many blessings that we become numb to them; we forget that they are blessings. And besides the fact that we become numb to our blessings, we also, as the Caedman's Call song suggests, "mistake our happiness for blessing." We think that, because we are not feeling happy or are going through a rough spot, we are somehow not blessed. Our feelings and God's blessings are not always related. Happiness does not equal blessing and sadness does not mean lack of blessing. I can have the worst day of my life and I am still blessed. And when I start remembering to be thankful - and stop feeling entitled....I am at peace; I am content. So this blog post is about my blessings - about the little moments and the things in my life that I do not deserve but have been gifted from a Savior who loves
me; who loves us.















Time with Daddy swimming in Mike and Denay's pool!














Hanging out with Grandpa Thrush











Baby music class...summer recital











A happy, healthy boy...such a blessing











Moments of play











old friends...and new friends! (welcome Jude Martin!!)











The joy of bath time











New experiences (Levi at his first ever birthday party...what a fun time!)











Being with Levi through all his highs and lows... =)











Summer days...










Wearing nothing but your birthday suit during a heat wave!

First Mother's Day

Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

I love how this verse is just tucked into the Christmas story. In between giving birth and fleeing for her life, Mary treasured up those first moments with her baby. There are so many little things that I have been "treasuring up" -- the snuggle time we have while nursing, the gummy smile that he flashes when I walk into a room, the little baby chatter that I hear in the morning lightly floating out of the nursery... I treasure these things. I treasure Levi. I treasure being a mom. It is so hard sometimes, but I LOVE it. And I loved my first Mother's day. I didn't care so much about being thanked (although the card and picture frame from Dan and Levi were so great). I just found myself celebrating motherhood... I found myself reflecting on those things that I love about being a mommy...the things I have treasured up over the last several months. Our first Mother's Day as a family was made even more special by also being the day that Levi was dedicated at church. It was a day of celebrating motherhood....thanking God for the gift of motherhood, and ultimately giving God control of motherhood.











4 moms (me, my sister-in-law Sara, my mother-in-law DuAnne, and my mom Sue) We went to church together and then had a meal back at our house and enjoyed the amazing weather!










Levi loved hanging out with his Aunty Sara










Uncle Curt, cousin Ali, and cousin Sawyer all helped entertain Levi










I remember when this little lady was as tiny as Levi..... now she is 4.5!!











Grandma and Grandpa Wagner trying so hard to get a picture where all the kids look at the same camera... however, none of the kids cared to look at any camera in this shot










Levi loved having both grandmas around to play with him
(and spoil him, of course)










The Wagner Family...once a family of 4....now a family of 9!











The Thrush family (some of us)










Cousins










enjoying some mothers day cake...or as Sawyer calls it "CAAAAAAAAKKKKEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"













Levi at his dedication....love that little man!!!

Levi's First Solids!

Levi had his first taste of real food today.
He had rice cereal and LOVED it!












Getting a little messy but having fun!

Levi has been watching us eat for a while now;
he seemed to know what a spoon was for!

Another Life...

I am just going to start this post with one amazing thought: It is April. I know that everyone says that time flies...but, really, it is April?? I am sitting on the couch with my legs propped up and the laptop humming softly - totally lost in the thought that it is April and we have an almost-5-month-old son. I mean, what life it this? I am a stay at home mom to the sweetest little boy with the cutest gummy smile. I live in a red brick house in Hershey and I now drive a mini van... again, what life is this? Just last year we were squeezed into a tiny apartment in Philadelphia while I worked full-time and Dan lived the life of a busy graduate student. My how quickly things change!

The biggest change of our lives happened in the wee hours of the morning on November 27, 2010. At 4:15am Levi Daniel Thrush made his appearance in the world. As I reflect back on that time, I have snippets of memory... I remember taking, oh, 10 hours to decide if I was in labor; then REALLY wanting to get to the hospital. I remember the looks on people's faces as I walked quickly through the hospital, up to the labor and deliver floor....they gave these half-smile, "knowing" looks. I remember how annoying it was to have to answer questions and sign my name while having contractions; I remember pacing the floor; and, oh, I remember the epidural! I remember settling into the bed and watching Dan eat his dinner. I remember apologizing to the nurse every time she walked into the room because we were watching episodes of 30 Rock on the TV and she had a knack for entering right around the time an off collar joke was used. I remember being told that it was time to push. I remember everyone saying "great job" after every push and getting pumped up...and me yelling at them to stop saying that unless the baby was ready to come out. I remember seeing Levi for the first time and saying "He is purple!" I remember a big man telling me that I had to get out of bed and try to walk. I remember being ticked off at him. I remember seeing Levi wrapped up so tight - his little face scrunched up as he slept. I remember being pushed in a wheel chair over to another room and kind of having fun with that... I remember pain. I remember the nurse who got me awesome pain killers. I remember some things I won't write about. I remember looking at the menu at the hospital and thinking "do sick people really want to eat beef stroganoff?" I remember writing in, "grilled cheese." I remember being so overwhelmed with love...and then with anxiety; "we have a baby?!?" I remember leaving the hospital and feeling like the whole world had stood still for three days while we were holed up in our room, a new little family. I remember leaving the hospital with my greatest pain, greatest accomplishment, and greatest love in my arms.

Since then life has been lived a day at a time - getting to know Levi and learning what it means to be a new mom (that is a whole other post). I had some difficulty in my recovery and with feedings at first; I often heard the phrase "this too shall pass" from others and from my own head. But I have also discovered that that phrase is bittersweet. "This too shall pass" is meant to be an encouragement during hard times but, for me, it has also become a reminder to savour every moment with Levi. He is only 4 and a half months old but already things have passed. He doesn't want to sleep all snuggled up to me for hours; he is too big for his teeny weeny outfits; he sometimes seems too busy to want to nurse... I LOVE the interactive, happy baby that he is now, but I recognize that every stage has its joys and I must try not to wish so hard for the next stage that I miss the wonders of the present. Dan and I are so blessed; we've stepped into a whole other life and it is so great. It has challenges, but it is good. I will try to write more now that things have settled. I feel like there are so many things to write about and share... but for now, I hear a little voice back in the nursery that is telling me it is time to stop blogging and change a diaper!

Waiting for Levi

It is week 38 of the pregnancy; and I now officially understand why many women report feeling "ready" to go into labor. Prior to this time in my life, I wondered, "how could anyone be "ready" for intense pain?" Well, I guess the pain of labor is a price I am willing to pay to get this baby OUT of me and into my arms. However, as much as I am excited about seeing my toes again and walking without that weird late-pregnancy hip sway thing, I am the most excited about meeting our son! I can not wait to see what he looks like, touch his little fingers and toes, watch him sleep, and even hear him cry. (I will have to remember this in a few weeks at 3am). I am so amazed at how God has literally been knitting little Levi together inside of me - how far he has come in just 9 short months - and can't imagine going two more weeks without finally seeing him! What a miracle.

Of course this doesn't mean Dan and I are totally at ease with this whole situation. I mean, there is another person entering into our little family (whom, I might mention, we are solely responsible for) and it will definitely cause things to change! I could also write and write about all the things we could be worrying about right now....but that would be starting down a dangerous path. For now I have to remember that all parents are "new parents" at some point and make mistakes and, generally, learn as they go. For example, one of my greatest sources of comfort came from a scene on "Bethany Getting Married" (a show I am ashamed to recommend to anyone but secretly watch when it is on "E!"). Basically, in this reality show, there is a scene depicting Bethany and her husband bringing home their new baby....and they literally do not know how to get their baby out of the car. They struggle with the car seat base and finally have to call their nanny for help. As silly as this sounds, it just made me aware that, no matter how rich and famous someone is--no matter how savvy they are in business or how well educated they are etc -- babies are a mystery to be solved! My goal is not to try and be "super mom" - I am shooting for basically getting Levi to his first birthday with no major mishaps! And, hopefully, God will bless our parenting efforts and turn Levi into one heck of a little boy.

For now, we will keep waiting for Levi to make his appearance. We will keep preparing in the small ways we know how and keep praying that God works all things together for the good. My prayer is for a safe delivery and healthy baby; and also that we can get him out of the car when we get home!

August Update

Well, it has been a while since I last made a post - mostly because it felt like I didn't have much to say. However, now that I am writing, I realize how much has happened over the summer. Dan and I are settled into life here in Hershey.

Dan is doing a wonderful job at the med center and is slowly feeling more confident in his duties and more assimilated into the team. I am so proud of him and feel blessed to be able to be at home during this time. I have realized that, given some time, I am very capable of keeping a house clean, cooking meals, and making sure there is food in the house (something that didn't always happen in Philly!!) I do think that life is best enjoyed at a pace quite a bit slower than what we were doing in Philly.

This is not to say that we do not miss Philadelphia. We do look back on our two years there with a smile on our face - thinking about our little apartment and all of our friends and church family. We are planning a visit soon and I look forward to catching up with people and worshiping at CVC.

We have slowly been developing a sense of community and friendship at our new church in Hershey - Hershey Evangelical Free Church. We made the tough decision not to go back to our old church in Harrisburg because we realized that worshiping within our own community was very important to us. We have been blessed to maintain our friendships from Devonshire while making new relationships at E-free.

My work situation has been interesting. I originally thought that I would go back to work part-time but quickly realized that it was not what God had for our family and that I needed to be more available for our son when he arrives this November. (In case you haven't heard yet, we are naming him Levi Daniel). However, this does not mean that I am stepping out of my field completely. It seems as though God has opened doors through our church for me to minister to the relational and emotional needs of others in a ministry type setting (and even get paid a tad for it!). I will work a few hours a week but mostly keep myself available to my family. Dan and I both feel a great sense of peace over how this has all worked out and know God is leading us in these decisions.

Levi is kicking me more these days and Dan has been able to feel him. We are 26 weeks along and have a doctor's appointment in two weeks along with an ultra sound to take another look at Levi's brain and development. It is so wonderful to feel him move around inside of me and I get so excited to meet him (but I worry a lot about it too!). However, I know that God has blessed us with this pregnancy for a reason and He will prepare us and give us strength to be parents. I have posted a picture of me and my belly at 21 weeks - I'll try to get an updated shot posted soon.

A Baby Boy and an Opportunity for Growth

Yesterday, Dan and I had the chance to see our baby kick and wiggle his way through an ultrasound at Abington's fetal diagnostic center. We are in the process of transitioning our care over to Hershey medical center, so this was our last doctor's visit in Philadelphia. Dan and I watched the screen closely as the ultrasound technician started at the top of our baby's head and moved her way downward--looking at every little part of his body. Dan and I laughed when we saw a "third leg" on the ultrasound and were able to tell that our baby was a boy before the technician gave us the "official" word. Our happiness died down just a bit when the technician left the room at the end of the ultrasound after telling us that she was going to bring the doctor in to talk to us. All of a sudden, I knew that she had seen something abnormal and that maybe there was something wrong with our baby. The doctor, a man whom I had never met before, entered the room and discussed with us a finding on the baby's brain - a "Choroid Plexus Cyst." The doctor told us that the ultrasound technician spotted the cyst while looking at the brain and went ahead and did a "level 2" ultrasound instead of just a "level 1" (something Dan and I weren't aware of). The doctor reassured us that the cyst in and of itself was not a problem at all - but that he had to talk to us about it because it is a "soft marker" for down syndrome. He said that everything else on the ultrasound was fine -- no other markers (like abnormal measurements, heart defects, kidney problems, etc). However, even when he gave us a 99.5% chance that our baby will not have down syndrome, I couldn't help feeling the worry wash over me as I fixated on the "half percent" chance that my baby would be born with special needs. Instead of seeing me as one of the 199 mothers who will give birth to a healthy baby, I started seeing myself as the one mother out of 200 that will have a baby with down syndrome. In my head I know that statistics are in my favor, but in my heart I can't help feeling anxious.

As I have been working through all this, I have thought some about the idea of faith. When I was in high school, I had a history teacher who would always remind us of the "opportunity" we had with every test and quiz that he would administer. We laughed each time he told us to take out our pencils and get ready for an "opportunity," but, really, what an interesting thought! With every test we had the chance to raise our grades, gain confidence in what we knew, and show the teacher our commitment and growth in the class. In one sense, every test, in every class, was leading us closer to graduation and acceptance into college! Our tests were not to be feared, but something to be anticipated because of the opportunities it offered us to continue on in our education and achieve the goals and dreams we all had before us. Now, I did not always embrace this idea of a test being an opportunity, but clearly it has left a mark on me because I am thinking about this lesson years later. It reminds me of the first chapter in James when the idea of "trails" or tests are being addressed as necessary for developing our faith and perseverance and, ultimately, our maturity:

James 1:2
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

The finding that there is a choroid Plexus Cyst on our little boy's brain has been a test on my faith right now--testing my belief that God is in control of this situation and will work this situation out for the good. But with this test of my faith comes opportunity for growth. I can have joy that, while I am not promised to walk through life without trials, I am given hope that the trials will strengthen me and help me mature in my relationship with God. My prayer, then, is that God will continue to strengthen my faith through this trial and use it as an opportunity for my growth--assuring me that He will work in this situation for our good and calm all our anxieties and fears.

Here is a Wikipedia entry on Choroid Plexus Cysts (I know, Wikipedia is totally not an "official" source for medial information....but it talks simply about the cysts and seems consistent with what the doctor said about the issue and with what I have been reading).