Yesterday, Dan and I had the chance to see our baby kick and wiggle his way through an ultrasound at Abington's fetal diagnostic center. We are in the process of transitioning our care over to Hershey medical center, so this was our last doctor's visit in Philadelphia. Dan and I watched the screen closely as the ultrasound technician started at the top of our baby's head and moved her way downward--looking at every little part of his body. Dan and I laughed when we saw a "third leg" on the ultrasound and were able to tell that our baby was a boy before the technician gave us the "official" word. Our happiness died down just a bit when the technician left the room at the end of the ultrasound after telling us that she was going to bring the doctor in to talk to us. All of a sudden, I knew that she had seen something abnormal and that maybe there was something wrong with our baby. The doctor, a man whom I had never met before, entered the room and discussed with us a finding on the baby's brain - a "Choroid Plexus Cyst." The doctor told us that the ultrasound technician spotted the cyst while looking at the brain and went ahead and did a "level 2" ultrasound instead of just a "level 1" (something Dan and I weren't aware of). The doctor reassured us that the cyst in and of itself was not a problem at all - but that he had to talk to us about it because it is a "soft marker" for down syndrome. He said that everything else on the ultrasound was fine -- no other markers (like abnormal measurements, heart defects, kidney problems, etc). However, even when he gave us a 99.5% chance that our baby will not have down syndrome, I couldn't help feeling the worry wash over me as I fixated on the "half percent" chance that my baby would be born with special needs. Instead of seeing me as one of the 199 mothers who will give birth to a healthy baby, I started seeing myself as the one mother out of 200 that will have a baby with down syndrome. In my head I know that statistics are in my favor, but in my heart I can't help feeling anxious.
As I have been working through all this, I have thought some about the idea of faith. When I was in high school, I had a history teacher who would always remind us of the "opportunity" we had with every test and quiz that he would administer. We laughed each time he told us to take out our pencils and get ready for an "opportunity," but, really, what an interesting thought! With every test we had the chance to raise our grades, gain confidence in what we knew, and show the teacher our commitment and growth in the class. In one sense, every test, in every class, was leading us closer to graduation and acceptance into college! Our tests were not to be feared, but something to be anticipated because of the opportunities it offered us to continue on in our education and achieve the goals and dreams we all had before us. Now, I did not always embrace this idea of a test being an opportunity, but clearly it has left a mark on me because I am thinking about this lesson years later. It reminds me of the first chapter in James when the idea of "trails" or tests are being addressed as necessary for developing our faith and perseverance and, ultimately, our maturity:
James 1:2
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
The finding that there is a choroid Plexus Cyst on our little boy's brain has been a test on my faith right now--testing my belief that God is in control of this situation and will work this situation out for the good. But with this test of my faith comes opportunity for growth. I can have joy that, while I am not promised to walk through life without trials, I am given hope that the trials will strengthen me and help me mature in my relationship with God. My prayer, then, is that God will continue to strengthen my faith through this trial and use it as an opportunity for my growth--assuring me that He will work in this situation for our good and calm all our anxieties and fears.
Here is a Wikipedia entry on Choroid Plexus Cysts (I know, Wikipedia is totally not an "official" source for medial information....but it talks simply about the cysts and seems consistent with what the doctor said about the issue and with what I have been reading).
