Let me first start my post today by saying I had so much fun this Halloween! I had a great time dressing Levi up in adorable costumes and eating tasty treats cut into the shapes of pumpkins and pointy witch hats. I had a blast carving pumpkins and lighting them up in the night. I really did have fun. However, it is definitely a strange holiday - and as one of my favorite t.v shows, "The Office" stated on their Halloween episode, it is strange to celebrate fear. I agree.
Life in general and my work as a therapist has shown me what fear really does. Real fear is not fun; it does not make us laugh or scream in delight. It is not exciting. Fear silences us. It takes away our voice and it confuses our thoughts. It spins the world a different direction. Fear distorts reality and robs us of truth and freedom. Fear is a powerful force.
So why am I blogging about fear? Because I can not stop thinking about everything that has been happening in State College. I read the news articles about the horrible (alleged) actions of Jerry Sandusky and the cover up by numerous PSU officials. I watch as the media tries to find people to blame for why this all happened... tries to figure out if the people involved are heartless men - or if there was some misunderstanding. After all, how could this have happened? How could adults brush something so horrible under the rug? Was it selfishness? Was it pride? What? What reason or excuse is there that is stronger than protecting young boys from abuse? Want my simple answer? Fear.
I read a report that the graduate student who witnessed one of the instances of abuse confided the incident to only two people - his father and coach Paterno. Everyone wants to know why he didn't call the police or go to other officials or stop the abuse when he saw it happen. Everyone thinks that, if put in the same position, they would have run in and stopped what was happening immediately. But fear stepped in. Fear created a sense of misunderstanding, a loss of trust in oneself and in ones senses -- perhaps he wondered if what he saw was really happening. Maybe it wasn't a young boy. Maybe it wasn't that coach. Maybe....maybe...maybe.... Fear leads us to believe that what we experienced couldn't possibly be true - because if it was true, we have to deal with it. And if we deal with it, we expose ourselves to powerful feelings and truths that cut to our core. And that is terrifying. Let's not forget that someone who witnesses this kind of abuse can themselves be traumatized and be victimized just by the fear that is created by stumbling into the situation. So this graduate student made a "report"...and it seems like it may have been a slightly watered down report...
So then everyone turns their attention to Coach Paterno.... why didn't he do something? Well, he did. Sort of. He followed the set"chain of command." He followed a "protocol" for reporting "incidents." That's the funny thing about fear - it creates in us a desperate need to cling to something--anything--to reduce our own uneasiness. We cling to things such as protocols and chains of command and we believe that what we cling to is safe and right. We really believe in it because we have to - we need to - because if we don't have something to cling to, we spin out of control and our world is unsafe and unpredictable. The same protocols that we develop to handle negative situations can also become our own hiding places...our protocols are predictable and controlled, a pre-set response to ambiguous situations. They give us permission to "not think." Just follow. Perhaps Joe Paterno really believed he was doing the right thing. Or perhaps he reacted in fear and hid behind "the chain of command." (and may I note that I am not against policies and protocols in general...they just sometimes provide a way to "pass the buck," so to speak).
And what about the other officials - the top of the command. The "mandated reporters." Why did they not report? Were they afraid of their own reputations? Were they afraid of the school's reputation? Were they such fans of Jerry Sandusky that they didn't want him to get in trouble? Maybe some of these things are true. I don't know. I don't know them. but I can guess that they were afraid. Maybe they didn't even know exactly what they were afraid of. They just found themselves in a situation so disturbing that they wanted to rewind life back to an earlier point -- a point in time where they only thought about abuse in distant terms. A certain innocence was being torn from them when they were asked to face the reality that young boys were being raped in the locker rooms of their institution by a trusted member of the Penn State family. And instead of bravely standing up to what was really happening, they chose, in fear, to "rewind" the tape and pretend it didn't happen....like in those "chose your own adventure novels" instead of accepting ending #1, they went back and chose ending #2....and ending where they could believe that boys weren't being abused. One where they didn't have to face the depth of human sin and depravity.
And at the center of this is Jerry and the victims of his sin and sickness. He is the only one in this whole situation who could have prevented it all from happening. He is the only one truly responsible. He is the perpetrator. In this whole mess of questions and sadness and anger and loss - he is the one who made the distinct choice to abuse those boys. It is not the fault of the boys, it is not the fault of the graduate student, it is not the fault of coach Paterno or any other PSU official. Fear quieted and confused those who should have taken a stand, and I do believe there should be appropriate consequences for failing to act. But the sin of abuse rests squarely on Jerry's shoulders, and his alone.
Fear is a powerful force. And before we go placing blame on everyone in site, lets think about the ways we allow fear to dictate our behavior and choices. We choose to lie to a friend because we fear confrontation; we limit ourselves for fear of failure (or success), we act in negative ways for fear of the work it takes to change, we cling to money and status for fear we will become poor or obsolete...and the list goes on. So lets not judge others for acting in fear. We all do it. Rather, let's recognize how fear operates - how it an take hold of us if we are not careful. Let's arm ourselves with truth and strength and ask God for courage to face the evil in this world. We do not have be silenced by fear. We do not have to run from the evil of the world. We can face it without losing our foundation or our hope because God is greater than the evil of this world and He has told us to not be afraid. We can look at the horrors of this world and not be crushed because He has over come this world. We can stand for justice because He is just. So lets face fear head on...lets bring evil into the light so that it can be battled. Let's not allow fear to take root in our lives and dictate our choices. When we operate by fear, we can do awful things....or we can not do the right thing.
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